ENQUIRER EXCLUSIVE: RICHARD SIMMONS AS DA MEATHOOK'S PERSONAL TRAINER?

"Get 'em up! Here we go! I'm a Yankee Doodle DAAAAN-DEEEEE! Scissors! Now, rumble! And, rainbow! Oh, yeah, baby!"
(Richard Simmons, via Washington Post, 7/25/2008)

RICHARD SIMMONS TO BE DMITRI YOUNG'S PERSONAL TRAINER?

According to baseball sources, the Washington Nationals have found the answer to Dmitri Young's weight issues. The team is reportedly "close" to hiring Richard Simmons to be Young's personal trainer,in a last ditch effort to get Da Meathook back in "first class physical shape". Simmons, the 60 year old fitness legend, was in Washington yesterday for a hearing and a rally on the Hill. Stan Kasten unavailable for comment.

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