The Nationals Enquirer

Silent Night(s)

"We have to capitalize at some point. Good pitching, it's a test to see what you're made of."
(Ryan Church, via Washington Post, 5/31/2007)

Offense sorely LA-cking in back-to-back shutouts.

NAAAts bats no match for Penny & Lowe.

(AP Photo/Nick Wass)

More technical difficulties, etc.

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Bring on the Birds

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.

The Battle of the Beltways III begins tonight at RFK.

The Battle of the Bottom Feeders promises to be about as fun as getting picked to death by a flock of seagulls (see above).

Meanwhile, here's an interesting question for the NAAAts: Who the heck is starting on Saturday?

This much we know. Two sure fire bets for the coming weekend: Hard Spun will win the Preakness; Sam Perlozzo will be put down sometime late Sunday afternoon after the NAAAts complete the three game sweep. Bet the house on it.

Mann down

"It was stiff. I told the trainers immediately. It's just precautionary."
(Jason Bergmann, via Nationals dot com, 5/17/2007)

Bergmann's got a sore elbow. You can't make this stuff up.

Anyone seen Sir Sidney around?

(Photo by Haraz N. Ghanbari/AP)

Felip-A-Okay

"It was all us. It had nothing to do with them."
(Chipper Jones, via Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 5/17/2007)

NAAAts 4, Braves 3: Don't believe Chipper, this one had a little bit to do with Felipe Lopez (and don't forget Chico and Da Meat Hook -- and three perfect innings from Billy, Jesus, and Jon)

NAAAts take three of four from Braves, have won 6 of last 7, surge to within 11.5 games of first place in NL East.

Bring on the O's.

(Photo by Pablo Martinez Monsivais/AP)

Enquirer Exclusive: Sidney Ponson will start Sunday for either NAAAts or Orioles!

"Pitching, pitching, pitching."
(Jim Bowden, via The Nationals Enquirer, 5/17/2007)

The Battle of the Beltways, or The Battle of The Bulge?

According to sources with no direct or indirect knowledge of the situation, the starting-pitching-thin NAAAts and Orioles are locked in a fierce bidding war for the services of the recently released Sidney Ponson.

Sir Sidney reportedly weighing his options.

(AP Photo/Jim Mone)

Speign-al Tap

"I thought we could have stretched him a little more, but they were hitting him a little bit."
(Manny Acta, via Washington Post, 5/17/2007)

NAAAts 6, Braves 4: Levale Speigner survives an Edgar Renteria liner and an early jam in the first; NAAAts survive start by reliever Speigner, rally for four in the 5th; Traber, King, Abreu, Rivera, Cordero, Rauch seal the deal.

(AP Photo/Nick Wass)

Off line

"I don't think you can do this for six months."
(Austin Kearns, via Washington Post, 5/10/2007)

The Nationals Enquirer: ready to resume broadcasting.

Legal woes, technical difficulties, shoulder stiffness, general malaise shuts down the Enquirer for nearly two weeks.

So much, yet so little, has happened since the last time we checked in on the NAAAts. In no particular order: an eight game losing streak, a four game winning streak, a not-so-surprising trip to the DL for The Big Pattsy, a trip to the DL for Hill, the arrival of Tony Batista, personal stuff for Cordero, health-related problems for Mitchell Page, Zimmerman's 4am walk-off grand slam, the long awaited start to the Simontacchi Era in Washington (and the subsequent mispronounciation of his last name everywhere you turn. we say it like: seem-one-takki or sim-in-touchy), a near no-no for Staff Ace, Jason Bergmann, and last, but not least, the return of Billy Traber thanks to Jerome Williams --  who got drilled in the ass last night and landed on the 15-day DL with a bum shoulder.

That pretty much covers it, right? 

Blowing it in the Windy City

"It's a learning process."
(Ryan Church, via Washington Post, 05/05/2007)

Losing 101: Class in session for Acta's Learned Losers

Cubs 6, NAAAts 4: F You, Alfonso Soriano.

Lessons learned: The concept of 'learning to win' might be a stretch, but leaving boatloads of guys in scoring position is definitely not conducive to winning.

Meanwhile, John Patterson is already blaming his poor performance against the Cubs this afternoon on getting hit in the face with a foul ball during BP on Friday.

(AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh)

The Enquirer answers the mailbag!

With an off day yesterday, your NAAAts are in Chicago for three day games (2:20 on a Friday?) and a visit with an old friend; the Mann gets the start this afternoon. But you know that already. Since we're already bored with trying to guess if the Langerhans deal is a precursor to Ryan Church leaving town, let's open up this week's Nationals dot com Mailbag! As always, keep those e-mails coming to Nationals.com, and we'll keep copying and pasting them over here and giving our half-assed answers. Thanks a bunch.

It seems that the Nationals can't seem to get everything to work together in one game. When the pitching is there, the hitting isn't, and vice versa. What gives?
-- P. B., Fairfax, Va.

Blame it on Pat Corrales. Worst bench coach in baseball, hands down.

When first baseman Nick Johnson is activated, what will the Nationals do with Dmitri Young?
-- D. P., Shiloh, Ohio

Nobody knows for sure, but I'll be sad to see Da Meat Hook go. 

If Ronnie Belliard continues to play well, do you see him as trade bait later on in the year?
-- T. H., Washington D.C.

Yes.

With Belliard hitting the ball well and playing exceptional defense, do you think he will remain starting second baseman? Belliard and Felipe Lopez seem to have good chemistry, especially when turning the double play.
-- J. C., Arlington, Va.

Doesn't matter, apparently. Right or wrong, Guzman gets his job back, Belliard takes a seat.

What are the chances of Billy Traber being in the big leagues this year?
-- G. B., El Segundo, Calif.

Look for Traber to take Patterson's spot in the rotation by mid-June.

Is there any likelihood that the Nationals will start giving Jesus Flores some significant playing time? Brian Schneider seems as good as he will ever get. Good defensive catchers who hit below .250 are not that difficult to find. If Flores is the catcher of the future, why not play him now? Manny Acta or Randy St. Claire could call the pitches from the bench.
-- D. T., Cleveland

Better yet, Jim Bowden and Joy Browning could call the pitches from the stands!

When will left-handed starter Mike O'Connor be activated from the disabled list?
-- M. H., Washington D.C.

Was the team able to find O'Connor? Last I heard he got left behind on one of the Winter Caravan stops, lost in a crowd of elementary school kids.

(Editor's note: You used a similar line a few weeks ago, time for some new material)

Is there any chance of Church hitting in the cleanup spot?
-- D. C., Wolfville, Nova Scotia

Yes.

A comment from a Nationals fan: "Josh Wilson could help down the road, but needs more seasoning. D'Angelo Jimenez is not playing well. Both of them could be replaced by Bernie Catro, who is speedy and playing well for Triple-A Columbus." -- Ed, Washington, D.C.

Bernie Catro? Are you sure you don't mean Corkie Kasto?