The Nationals Enquirer

PINSTRIPED GRINCH STEALS CHRISTMAS

TEIXOCKER! TEIX SAYS NO TO NATS!

Nationals fans also shocked to hear there's no such thing as Santa Claus.

In the end, Steinbrenner money is greener than Lerner money: 8 years, $180 Million greener.

Don't worry, Nats fans, Jimbo has Adam Dunn on speed dial. And like a lump of coal in your stocking: Corey Patterson! (and don't forget Daniel Cabrera)!

(AP Photo by Kathy Willens)

NO BLEEPING WAY.

CHEAPSKATE NATS PLAY CHICKEN WITH THE BIG BOYS. 8 YEAR, $160 DEAL ON THE TABLE FOR TEX.

No Hometown Discount here -- it's the Hometown Markup!

Meanwhile, Scott Boras is licking his chops, and Ted Lerner is praying Mark Teixeira says thanks, but no thanks (heck, the guy can barely afford to pay the rent, remember?).

Nice PR move though, Mr. Lerner!

But who needs Tex? Da Meat Hook is ready for Spring Training!

Meanwhile...we'll continue to ignore all talk of Manny Ramirez coming to Washington. Thank you.

(Photo by Getty Images)