GadZOOks! So that explains it!

 

Sure, the story broke hours ago, but here at the palatial offices of The Nationals Enquirer, we're still stunned by news of the real reason for the radio silence on Elijah Dukes' return to FLA this last week. How on earth were they able to keep this under wraps (via St. Petersburg Times, 4/25/2008)?

To get his misdemeanor probation cut short by five months, former Tampa Bay Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes spent 25 hours during the past week cleaning out cages and mopping at Lowry Park Zoo. 

Incredible! We'd been getting suspicious about his whereabouts for days!

(Exclusive photo above butchered by Nationals Enquirer staff)